Attuned, Empathetic,
Expert Care
What to Expect…
Beginning with a therapist, or a new therapist is hard; akin to sharing the most difficult parts of your life story with a stranger. Add to that that there are nearly as many types of therapies as there are therapists, so it can be difficult to know what to expect or if the fit will feel right. My hope is that this breakdown of what trauma therapy feels like with me will help ease your decision.
Attachment-based: The relationship comes first
Attachment science teaches that healing happens in relationship, namely those where we feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure. These make up my first goal in therapy. As we build trust, my role is to be a secure base from which you can explore past and present pain, risk reaching (for others and for your desires), and discover who you truly are. I work to become this secure attachment through unconditional care, attuned intervention, relentless hope, and wise guidance on your healing journey. You may not have been treated this way by parents, caregivers, or partners and that has had a detrimental effect on your view of yourself, others, and the world. What I know to be true without a doubt is that you make sense when understood in your context. Therapy is fertile soil where lies can be pruned away and the truth about who you are can take root and grow. Together we will work to build this kind of self-compassion, kindness, and curiosity into yourself so that you become your own secure base and safe haven.
Emotionally Focused: You must feel it to heal it.
Many of us have a complicated relationship with our emotions. Maybe they sweep you away and hijack your rational mind, maybe you feel like we don’t have any, and/or maybe you’ve been manipulated by them in others. Despite that, emotions are powerful and impact our choices and actions more than we might realize. I will help you slow down and listen to them as a normal and healthy source of information from your body about what is happening in the present that you need to take action on, and about what has happened in the past that your body is alerting you to work toward healing. From a somatic therapy perspective, your body is full of wisdom about where and how you have been harmed, as well as what you need to heal.
Experiential Therapy: The session is where transformation starts.
I am an experiential therapist, meaning that the “here and now” of the session is most important, as it serves as a microcosm of how you experience the rest of life. I will ask questions about what is happening for you as we discuss what is troubling you and work with that experience happening inside you. My interventions include tending to your mind and body in ways that move you toward healing in the moment. Transformation begins in the therapy session where we practice being vulnerable and taking courageous risks within a safe, supportive environment with the goal that it eventually extends to your relationships and way of being in the rest of your life as you build self-trust and confidence. I will likely suggest integration practices for outside of the session and reading if you are interested in greater understanding or would like additional exercises.
I am a Certified Therapist and Supervisor in Emotionally-Focused Individual Therapy, Level 3 trained therapist in Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), Internal Family Systems (IFS) informed, and somatic trauma therapies informed.
Here’s what that means:
Certified Therapist and Supervisor in Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy, the gold standard of evidenced-based relationship counseling.
On average a couple experiences relational distress for 6 years before seeking therapy, according to marriage researcher and expert John Gottman. That is a long time to be struggling through the pain of disconnection and trying everything you know to get back to it! So whether you are here before, at, or after that average, I am so glad that you are pursuing healing and health for your marriage. The cycle you are stuck in does not have to last forever, and you can return to a place of connection again. You are taking an incredibly brave step by inquiring about help.
in Couples Counseling
What To Expect
In the process of Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), you will notice that I ask you what happens when you disconnect, or get into conflict. I will track this process with you, unpacking it bit by bit, and helping you each to understand why things trigger you, why you respond the way you do, and I will help you to feel understood and validated in the ways that you cope. As I truly and firmly believe, all behavior makes sense if you understand it’s context. The first goal then is to establish a safe therapeutic environment for both of you to explore this, and this safety becomes the foundation of the rest of the therapeutic process. As I track your cycle of disconnection, I will give emotion precedence, knowing that it is indicative of something deeper within you, likely painful and difficult, and help you to feel safe to speak what is true for you. Vulnerability then, is the next goal. Sharing with your partner from this emotion-laden, vulnerable place becomes very important, as it creates a new pattern of communication and undoes the old one. The more safety and vulnerability in your communication, the more comfortable you will be to share deeper and deeper things - childhood hurts and wounds, parts of yourself you don’t like and hide away, and views and values you hold as a result of these. When we feel safe to be vulnerable, we are more willing to risk reaching for our partner to comfort our inner most distress and fear. This final goal then, is to engage a new way of bonding and connecting in which you are each fully known and fully loved by one another and both feel safe and secure in that bond.
Therapy as Spiritual Formation
For the Christian, therapy is part of the discipleship process. As we posture ourselves to become more like Christ and embody his loving character, we inevitably find our limits. In the stuckness of our perpetual patterns and the frustration of our flesh, we encounter the parts of us that are outside of our control. It is here that we reach for the help provided in therapy - where we learn to explore how our lives have shaped us and engage healing that cannot be accessed by cognition and behavior modification alone. By the Spirit’s revelation and healing, paired with listening to and tending the wounds held in our bodies, we are able to experience and become the love of God even more deeply.